Always laugh when you can - it's cheaper than medicine!
Best Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' , the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, sure you can still breathe, you fool.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it. You are an idiot!
6) You are laughing at yourself,
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot fool category. "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."
$2.99 SPECIAL I love it............................ ..... If you are a senior you will understand this one; if you deal with seniors, this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........ God willing, someday you will be.....
The 2.99 Special We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs..'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE'VE been around the block more than once!
Send this to the Seniors in your life. I'm sure they'll appreciate it! Even non-seniors will appreciate it! ... See MoreSee Less
SRIXON, a global leader in golf ball technology and innovation, announces the launch of the sixth generation Z-STAR Series golf ball.
The Srixon Z-STAR XV and Z-STAR are available in Pure White™ and Tour Yellow™ and officially launch in North America on February 1, 2019.
“Distance is one of the major strengths of my game, and I trust the performance of the Z-STAR XV like nothing else on Tour,” said professional Cameron Champ, who currently leads the Tour in driving distance. “The exceptional ball speed and distance that I’m able to generate with the Z-STAR Series gives me the unique opportunity to compete at an elite level week-in-and-week-out.”
The sixth generation Z-STAR Series features the all-new FastLayer Core, a revolutionary way to make a golf ball core. It starts soft in the center and gradually becomes firmer around its edge. This greatly enhances ball speed for maximum distance performance, while maintaining exceptional feel at impact.
“The new Z-STAR Series golf balls are built on top of the heritage of one of the most successful, trusted Tour golf balls in the market,” said Jeff Brunski, Vice President of Research and Development. “The exceptional ball speed and distance of both Z-STAR offerings are driven by the new FastLayer Core technology, producing both outstanding ball speed and launch conditions tuned for the high swing-speed, better player.”
The new Z-STAR Series golf balls feature new Spin Skin technology with Slide-Ring Material (SeRM), a urethane compound that coats the cover of every Z-STAR Series golf ball. By taking unprecedented levels of shearing force without breaking its molecular bonds, Spin Skin with SeRM is able to dig deep into your wedge and iron grooves, dramatically increasing friction and maximizing spin for more control and more stopping power on every shot.
The all-new Z-STAR Series golf balls are the first and only in the world to use Slide-Ring Material, providing a competitive advantage that cannot be matched.
“Engineered for more spin and control, the Z-STAR Series features a Spin Skin coating enhanced with SeRM, an extremely flexible material,” Brunski said. “Never before has Srixon combined so many technologies in one golf ball, to produce more friction for more spin around the green.”
The 338 Speed Dimple Pattern on each Z-STAR Series golf ball improves overall aerodynamics for better flight performance, even in the toughest wind conditions, with drivers, woods and irons.
The sixth generation Z-STAR XV features a softer urethane cover and Spin Skin with SeRM, which significantly increases greenside spin for more short game control. It features a four-piece construction with a smaller inner core and larger outer core for more distance off the tee.
“The new Z-STAR XV is hotter off the driver,” said four-time Tour winner Keegan Bradley. “It’s definitely longer with my irons as well. So, it’s a ball that’s going to help you throughout the entire bag.”
Similarly, the new Z-STAR golf ball features Spin Skin with SeRM, which increases greenside spin and short game control, while maintaining that soft feel. In addition, the 2019 Z-STAR employs a three-piece construction and slightly increased compression with a harder mantle layer for more ball speed, reduced spin, and more distance. ... See MoreSee Less